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You may know me from my testimony on the Weigh Down videos. It has been seven years (1996) since I joined my first Weigh Down class and began my journey out of Egypt and into the Promised Land. Before Weigh Down, not only was my body a wreck, but also my marriage, my spiritual life, and my relationships with family and friends. Sadly, even my little daughter was suffering from my angry outbursts and depression. I didn't have a clue why I behaved the way I did. I had no energy to do anything. My only entertainment was watching TV and eating. I felt like a total failure. Through the message of whole-hearted devotion to God taught in Weigh Down, I was convicted of greed in my heart for food, and a host of other sins and idols were revealed as I went through first Rise Above and then Exodus Out of Egypt. I was delivered from 130 pounds of overweight and a life-long addiction to food as my “drug” or my “comfort,” and my marriage, which was on the brink of divorce, was restored. God turned my sadness and constant depression into incredible joy!
Even with all the incredible blessings and His goodness displayed in my life, sadly, I struggled with going all the way with laying down this idol of food and self for five years. I would continually go through a cycle of going from the food to self-pity and depression, unsubmissiveness, idleness and oversleeping, and back to food. Only by the grace of God did I manage to keep my weight gain fluctuating between ten to twenty pounds and I hadn’t gained all my weight back. However, after having two more babies in eighteen months, I was really struggling again and had an extra forty pounds on my body by the time I’d given birth to the second baby. My heart was wrapped back up in food and deep into self. I was missing something and deep inside I knew it - because there was no peace and I felt the pain of God's disapproval and his discipline through the weight gain, discord in my marriage, and financial strain.
I praise God for bringing Weigh Down Advanced to show me what that something was: not having a HOLY fear of God to stop sinning and stop picking back up my idols. I realized that SELF wanted to rule over God. Deuteronomy Chapter 8 described me perfectly. After blessings for obedience, I would forget God and return to my idols over and over again. I needed a fear of God that would keep my hand from grabbing for more food and keep my heart from lusting for more. I also learned that I needed to be in fellowship with sold out Saints that wouldn’t dare defy God’s commands, instead of listening to and hanging out with those that didn’t want God to reign and didn’t want to give up their idols. I saw clearly how I had been taught my whole life that it was okay with God to have other passions or idols in my heart alongside of Him. I was holding onto that last bit of a passion for the food and for getting what I wanted and hadn’t gone all the way with TOTAL obedience to God because I didn’t have a fear of defying Him and I didn’t have a knowledge of the word of God that says very clearly I couldn’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven if I didn’t do all the will of God.
It was only through Weigh Down Advanced that I heard the TRUTH (straight from the Word of God) that I am not a god but just a mere man, and I MUST lay down my idols if I want to enter Heaven. I learned that I could stop sinning and, even more importantly, that I must stop sinning – that I could not have multiple idols in my heart alongside of THE God and think I was in a saving relationship with Him. Also, that I had to totally immerse myself in this truth to change my mindset because my heart was most deceitful. I couldn’t keep mixing the messages of total obedience coming from Weigh Down with other messages soft-selling obedience to God. I’ve had to stay immersed in this powerful message to get my mind transformed, and keep it transformed! Now life is awesome! There is never a bad day because self is “out of there” and it’s all about God now. God’s decisions are truly wonderful and I long to feast on His Word and do His will. His boundaries are perfect and pleasing to me now. It is such a joy to just get a chance to wake up one more day and know that I’m alive, I have breath in my lungs, and I get one more opportunity to show God my devotion. I am growing in this relationship with God and finding him to be EVERYWHERE. All I look for finally is for His smile and His approval. That is my full passion now and it fills me up so full I don’t even have a desire to get outside of His will!
As I am choosing daily to live that out through my obedience, God is coming back in and blessing my family and me so incredibly! The fruit is showing and the blessings are abundant! Where my marriage was becoming rocky again, now it is sweeter today than ever before. Financially, God is restoring what the locusts have eaten up! We used to cry out to God, “Where is all the money going?” Now we cry out in praise, “Where is all the money coming from???!!!” And where a little over a year ago we were about to hit total financial devastation – as the foreclosure notices were coming in - today we are within ten months of being debt free!!! Also, our children are now obedient and finding God at ages three, four and eleven. And, where I was struggling at giving over that last ten percent of self that wanted to rule, today I can honestly tell you I am FREE from that bondage of wanting to rule over God and that passion is wholly directed to Him. I am back down to my original weight loss (130 pounds) and continuing to go down - to lower than I’ve ever been. The idol of self and of food is laid down whereas before they were merely transferred and picked back up.
My obedience and resulting blessings are due to the fact that I heard over and over again this powerful message that is transforming my mindset: I CAN’T rule over God; and if I DO entertain the thought to rule, I realize it’s really Satan ruling through me, not God ruling through me. I’m not ever going to get to rule – that was never an option given to me from God. This realization has produced and maintained the Holy Fear that is keeping my heart close to God and His commands. It has clicked and I just want God’s will to rule from now on. I’ve been praying for a heart of flesh to replace the cold heart of stone that wanted to trump God’s decisions – and He is answering that prayer!
What joy to know that from here on out life is all about God and no longer about me and my selfish desires. There is no better feeling in the world! I praise God for the message in Weigh Down Advanced that has helped me find the path to salvation and to living a blameless life before our Father and His Son Jesus Christ. And I thank God for Gwen – for her boldness and determination to teach the unadulterated TRUTH from the Holy Word of God. Life is truly all about God now and no longer about self. Having a holy fear of God mixed with a whole-hearted love for God is powerful! He didn’t have to give back so much and I deserve none of it. This is how good God is, and I will spend the rest of my living days testifying to His goodness and mercy!
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